Why Leaving New York City Is Worth It - MAY 29 2013

May 29, 2013

The last week has been so fun. People come into your life at the most unexpected moments—at bars, at church, on the sidewalk—just because you speak Italian, just because you bond over the same boy who called you both a very bad name. You can never plan for the kind of people who can leave you speechless. I literally have no words when I begin to listen to him speak. I just sit and listen. That is a huge deal. Nobody can out-talk me, but he does—and I like it.

I wanted to explain my experience a little because I have spoken to two different friends this week who have made me feel that I need to teach them something. First of all, these two women have been such incredible examples. They seriously bring me up in so many ways. But they both have said things that make me feel like giving up has become such a common thing for women.

It is important to understand that even though it took me far too long to give up the ghost of Willow, I was never dependent on him. I am seriously a very independent woman. I want to be privileged to have the love and trust of a man, but it does not define me. (This is still true in 2025) I want to have a best friend with whom I can laugh and make fun of. One who laughs at me and can tell when something isn’t right. One I can trust with everything. One who communicates. One who wants to surprise me and take me places that I love. One who CAN live without me but doesn’t want to. One who lets me take care of them. One who values being separate but knows together is better. Do not get me wrong, I have been in those moments where I felt suffocated, like I was ALWAYS GOING TO BE ALONE.

Women live with their loneliness sometimes (and maybe men do, but I am not one, so I don’t know), looking for their “soul mate” or their “one and only.” Let me tell you about Soul Mates. I do not believe that God would be so cruel to only allow you to be perfectly matched with one person in the entire world. I mean, seriously, what happens if the soul mate you are destined to be with accidentally gets hit by a bus before you meet? Now that would be just mean! I do believe there are many options that are perfect for us and based on what we choose, who we are, and where we will find the person who best suits us forever. Someone worth the sacrifice to be with and someone who is also willing to make that same sacrifice.

I do believe that when you find someone who takes all of you exactly the way that you are, then he or she is a keeper. And when a million people are telling you this man is awesome and funny and kind, you better do your best to make him see that you are the only girl waiting in line. Keep someone who buys a blanket to keep at his house when you come visit. Someone who remembers things that you say and talks about them later. Someone who shows you parts of his life that are important to him. Someone who holds your hand when you go for walks. Someone who asks your opinion of their life decisions. Someone who forgives me everyday and has patience—because those are my favorite qualities.

It is so hard to find a match at just the right time. Where two people are ready to experience being vulnerable at the same moment and want to risk the outcome. Sometimes you just meet someone and know that is what you are meant to be doing. Sure, doubts creep in, but the other is there to validate that this is where they want to be.

I am not telling you that I have come to the end of my searching. That I am done and I know that I have made it. Maybe next week I will be able to say so. But I am going to tell you that I am in a place where I am letting it in. My life is currently a new adventure that I have never experienced. My new friend is here and I am not going anywhere. You must really do what those A.A. meetings tell you: let go and let God. It really does work. I mean, I just saw the sign on the temple on the Will and Grace show so I can only assume it is true.

To my friends who often give up on hope: you are beautiful and you matter. Someone is out there as frustrated as you are, looking for YOU. Don’t throw in the towel and let a flaky man or woman make you lose the desire. Don’t give up, and say it is never meant to be because love comes from all places. And if you listen to your heart and leave the biggest and best place of New York City just to come back to your hometown (or to Nashville), you just might find a keeper. Love who you are, because someone is searching to love you that way too.

And always remember, good things come to those who wait… (This blog was speaking to the beginnings of when I met my now ex-husband. That really was such an exciting and innocent time in the beginning.)