What’s Love Got To Do With It - June 21 2012

Dear friends and people who don’t like me very much but read my blog anyway,

Over the past few days, we’ve noticed that Willow has found the blog and left comments in his defense. I allowed the comments to stay because we all have a right to be heard (and let’s be honest—his comments are kinda funny). He is more than welcome to write a blog about me anytime. I’m sure his gay roommate (who has not actually admitted it), who is in love with him, would be happy to head up that project.

When Willow left his first comment on Monday, I received an email saying I had a new comment. Then another. Then another, until I had like five emails in a row. When I realized they were under the assumed name “Willow Ufgood,” my heart started pounding. Every time I told Willow he should read the blog, he always told me he never would. Of course, eventually he did—because who can not read something that’s written about them?

Anyway, after I began reading his comments on some of the posts, I had to laugh. First, that he followed the blog using the name I gave him (because most of us don’t know what his real name is), and second, that he was writing with such emotion.

I was interested to see if he would reach out to me after reading. He did, and we talked about it. It was like the blog never happened and nothing has changed. I think I have said before that there’s nothing I can do that will make him sever communication with me. Letting go and walking away has to be his choice. He may decide to never read the blog again, and he may delete all his comments. He has left, but whatever he chooses, I’m glad that he has read. Because even though he feels the stories are not accurate, he at least knows that they are how I perceived it. Who cares about the details.

Now, I know that more and more people read this blog—and though I have millions more to go before Ellen gives a crap—I would like to say this: All of these stories that I tell are what has already happened. I release the stories and the emotions I describe as the ones I felt at the time. Of course I felt bitter. What person wouldn’t after trying for six years and being rejected over and over? It’s annoying to be told by friends of mine and Willow’s that “we should just get married.” Well DUH, of course we should have. But we didn’t and we won’t—but it wasn’t because I didn’t try.

I remember the first time I told Willow that I loved him. It was within the first few months of knowing each other, and it was during a weeklong break that he asked to figure out if he liked me (yes, that was the first time). I don’t think girls should be the first to say “I love you,” but of course I did it anyway. I remember I drove to his house, knocked on the door, and said, “I have something to say. I don’t want you to say it back. I love you. That’s it.” And then I left.

I remember thinking, Oh my gosh, what did I just do? Obviously it worked, and he came back. He did not say he loved me until over a year later. Then, like two years after that, we were driving in his car through the city and he told me he loved me again. He said, “I have something to tell you. I love you.” One of the only things I could do was just smile and that was that. He may have told me a handful of times after that, but I believe if you love someone, you have to say it boldly.

I asked him later why he replied “I love you” only when I said it. He said he didn’t want to make me feel bad, so he just said it back. OK. WHATEVER. If I had said it a million times without his response, that excuse still wouldn’t hold up.

Anyway, if you’re just now finding the blog—whether you know me or know him—you’ll naturally take a side to this story. You can feel anything you want. Yes, I have been an emotional, crazy, bitter basket case, but I’m also a fun, strong, bold, passionate woman who is funny as @#$%. Ask Willow—he’ll attest to all of that. Ask him. Really.

So, you can elect not to get to know me based on the qualities you can’t handle, or you can choose to get to know me by the things that intrigue you the most. But be very careful—because once you choose to jump in, I am not easy to let go of. Ask Willow. He’ll tell you that’s true.

I have been set up millions of times by people trying to help me find the perfect fit. I just recently, in fact, have been set up again—and though it has yet to take place, I look forward to that. Moving toward a new opportunity. I would like the world to know that I am available. I guess I’m not easy to love, but I am really easy to hold on to. So, if any of you know anyone who is looking for a good time, a good laugh, and a good heart—that would be me. I will not necessarily like them all, but come one, come all! Because really, what does love have to do with any of this so far??????? I guess nothing—come!

July 5 2025 - This blog post is cringe. I was so desperate. Willow was always so patient and kind. Everything I tried to do for attention was so annoying. I feel bad now when I think about all that I did. But, I also want people to read this and DO NOT DO WHAT I DID!