What Goes Around Comes Around - MAY 31 2012

I am generally not a rub-it-in-your-face, “told ya so,” “serves you right” kind of girl—but this particular experience made me feel and voice all of those things. Willow and I had parted ways right before Christmas one year (well, one of many times before Christmas) and had not spoken for a few months. We had no idea what each of us was doing, but occasionally I would check in with him when he crossed my mind (stupid). He never voiced having a girlfriend, but I later found out he had one during all those months.

I remember the email I received from him asking how I had been, and even though I tried to ignore it, I eventually reached out. We ended up planning the inevitable lunch to catch up, and there we were, back on track. This time was different, though. The first few times we met, he would talk about her and her family, and how they had made him feel so unimportant and not good enough for her. He had felt sized up and said that her mother had talked her out of seeing him. The downfall was going with her to meet her parents. That’s where they sized him up. Letting go of her hand while walking in a room or not helping them around the house—whatever the reason, he felt so judged that his parents even became involved, writing a letter to her parents, telling them how much they had misjudged him.

I remember sitting in a park with him, listening to his frustrations about this girl and her family and how they didn’t give him a chance and it wasn’t fair. He cried about it. I thought, you now know exactly how it feels. Someone is breaking up with you for once, for reasons that aren’t good enough. In an excuse to reach out to her, he even contacted her about his father being sick, and after she ignored him, he became offended (but can you blame her for ignoring it??? She was simply moving on, smart girl). I found it interesting that for a few weeks after this, he would bring her up, talk about the situation, and eventually began saying it was for the best. She just wasn’t the right fit. I wondered during that time when he made a decision to make me his sounding board. Why was I the one he came crying to? And why did I have to give him advice on what to do with it?

I ended up telling him lots of things, but I was sure to mention that maybe this was for him to understand what he had put me through—by about 100 degrees bigger. Sometimes what goes around comes around. I told him too that if she and her family did not love him the way he was or weren’t willing to see his potential, then he should find someone who did (isn’t it funny how the advice you give to others is the very counsel you do not follow yourself?). He told me that he had told her about me, and she even had to say once, “Look, I’m not Brittney.” THAT made me laugh, because I know that even though I was on his mind, that girl surely had to feel annoyed at being compared to someone who clearly couldn’t make it work with him either.

During this time, we even attended a bonfire where she was. He told me to “give him a second,” and while I watched him walk away to go talk to her, I found the one shred of dignity I had and took myself home, with him calling minutes later, asking where I went. I LEFT YOU, IDIOT. No one leaves me by myself to go talk to their ex-girlfriend. NOPE.

This story happened a few years ago, but I will fast forward now to a month ago. Willow and I were driving through an area of town where she used to live, and I asked if she ever still crossed his mind. He said not really. But the ironic thing is, we chose on that drive to go to a new restaurant I had never been to. As soon as we walked in, he turned right back around and walked out. He said, “We have to leave.” I asked him why, and he said that “that girl” was inside. I told him, “NO, we are not leaving, that is ridiculous. We are going to go in and eat like normal people, and if she sees you, then go talk to her.”

We ended up going back in, and as we were ordering, he kept saying, “I should go say something.” Though I thought it would be a good idea for him to move on from his annoying obsession, I was slightly annoyed at myself being put in this situation.

To make a long story short, he did go talk to her. I was around the corner at our table and could not see them speaking, but I could hear every single word. The “Oh my gosh, how are you????” to the “Do you still work at blah blah blah,” and as I sat there, I got more annoyed. I realized I could not sit there for one more minute. So, I got our food to go, and when he walked back to the table, I told him we would eat our meal at home.

In the car, he kept saying sorry and thank you for letting him do that, and it made him realize that he had moved on. I didn’t care about anything he was saying, and at home, he continued to pile on the affection—I am sure to compensate for the position he had put me in. For days I was convinced he would reunite with her, and our time would be over. And though at this point they have never been in contact again, it is something I would never be surprised to happen.

Over the many years, many ironic stories like this one have happened to us—or more so, to me. There were many times I wondered if God thought I was a big joke and that is why He made these weird things happen over and over. But I realize it was always Willow and I who made the choice to reunite, so I only had myself to blame. And even though all those times I thought I was doing the right thing, I am beginning to think it was simply for these stories to be shared and for others to relate to. 

This blog post made me sad to read again in 2025. Willow really was a kind hearted person. I feel bad that he went through this experience but I also feel bad that I made him feel bad by making it about me with a “serves you right attitude”.  I always did want what was best for him. I just tried so so hard for it to be me.