Not in Sickness or Health - MAY 23 2012

Yesterday I was minding my business when a window washer man walked up to me and started sharing his ideas of why people should be allowed to be together and never have children. While he kept looking around at other people, wondering if they were hearing Santa beard and a fisherman’s hat, he couldn’t have been any younger than 65. With a worn-out tee (not that I’m judging, but it’s necessary for you to get a clear picture of who I’m speaking to), his belly was hanging out of his shirt.

So as he was talking, he started saying things like:

“I think couples should be allowed to marry and never have kids. Asia is overpopulated and we need to stop. People have kids and then just get on welfare. Why can’t two people decide to be together at 18 and never have to involve children?”

As he kept talking, I decided to ask, “Well, sir, do you have any kids?”

He replied with, “Yes, I have one,” and I asked, “Well, does he want any kids?”

No, he didn’t. And I will add: I later realized the partner he had brought along to clean the windows was his son, a younger clone of him, exactly. Probably 30. Haha.

As I sat there, a little off-put by this man’s belief that it was okay to share with a stranger his ideas of how the world should be, I started thinking about Willow and a situation I went through with him.

When I turned 30, I was feeling sick all the time. Eventually, I went to the emergency room and after running some tests, I was told I had a tumor. This tumor was a size-big object on my belly—ball, soccer, basketball, softball—I don’t really know. It had been consuming my hormones for years and kept growing until my body could not function normally anymore. As the doctor told me the news, they made sure to inform me it was the type of tumor that was not cancerous, but again—they would continue to grow my entire life.

I was told I needed surgery for this one. A C-section. As they read off all the risks of surgery, I realized for the first time in my life, children may not be an option for me. I will tell you here that I was never the kind of girl who ached for children or talked about wanting them, but as I realized that option might be taken away, I cried. And then I went to Willow. What would he think of this? Would he still want me? (First of all Willow was never wanting you to begin with Brittney, also this doctors information was not accurate as I have 2 children now in 2025. The BEST part of my life)

As I sat there telling Willow my current situation, I remember asking him what he thought and he actually said,

“I’m not sure I could be with a woman who can’t have kids.”

My jaw dropped.

I realized in that moment that he probably was not going to be the man I married—because a man in love would NEVER say that to a woman he loved. How could he say that? Maybe he was in shock too and didn’t know what else to say. But I was heartbroken and annoyed—and just really ready to drop him.

I remember writing him a note the week of my surgery and telling him I never wanted to see him again. “Thank you for all that you have done over the past few years, but I needed to move on.”

Cut to the surgery: I was told I kept asking for him when I came out of it and they called him to come. He came to visit and ended up bringing me dinner several times for the next 6 weeks (you see the pattern here, and therefore my reason to write about it).

I will add, if you are wondering—I came out of the surgery alive (OBVIOUSLY) and at this point, I am still capable of having children.

So, cut back to the window washer man. As he gave me his opinion on world views, I thought about that. I do not agree with what he said, but I do believe two people need to love each other enough to stay together without children—whether they never come, grow old and move out, or come in many.

Two people need to have the foundation to know that no matter what life has to give them, they respect each other enough to stay. THAT is what is most important. And if children come, it could just be the cherry on top…