NAKED - MAY 29 2012

Now, before any of you get too excited, let me state now that the title of this blog does not literally mean I will be discussing anything to do with being nude. It is more of a metaphor. I want to explain myself and where I am today, and the feelings I have been sharing. When I chose to begin this blog, I knew that I would be exposed. I knew that I would receive feedback and opinions about what I had been through, and in order to begin the journey of telling the world (and one day, The Ellen DeGeneres Show), I had to be okay with that. (obviously it’s 2025 and this has all changed)

I want you all to know that the place I am in now is on my way to stronger. No, I will not say that I am 100% cured of this heartache and some days are better than others. I still cry, scream out loud in the car, and ask why, but with the help and support of those who can see outside the box, I have been able to move ahead, find my self-worth again, and realize I needed to help others do the same. I am letting go more and more each day of the idea I had established in my mind for six years. It has been a very slow journey, but I am here now.

Some of you who read are close to me, and some of you I have never had the privilege of meeting yet. (I was speaking to over 13,000 readers that I had on this blog at that time) But the point of my writing and being raw and telling the truth and exposing my embarrassments is to help someone. I do not regret one thing I have done involving this situation (especially the peanut butter I once door-handled), and I have a hunch that I can help endless amounts of women (maybe men too) in their journey to becoming who they were always meant to be after a broken heart. I am not a doctor, just a woman who has experienced heartbreak. With heartbreak comes so many emotions—abandonment, anger, confusion, desperation, bitterness, and hopelessness. Most everyone can relate to that. But when you decide to learn from those things more can come to you, such as hope, compassion, forgiveness, kindness, and humor. To those people experiencing any of these emotions, know that you are not alone. (This thought still stands today in 2025. This is why I am reposting this blog posts so many years later and will add on with my other experiences) 

There have been countless amounts of people who have cared for me over the years and have offered their opinions, telling me to let go and move on. But I had to be in a place to be able to make that choice on my own. If you create a habit or an addiction, you are the only one who can personally choose to let go of what you have been hanging on to. So now, as I day by day begin releasing the emotions and thoughts I’ve created behind Willow and my feelings about them over the past six years, I get feedback and opinions that help me to forge ahead. I do not write these things in any way to get sympathy or to create a monster in your head of what Willow was. Because, if fact, the hardest part was just that. He wasn’t. We were so close that any choices we made, good or bad, continued to be forgiven by both parties. I knew that no matter what I did, he would ALWAYS forgive me and he knew the same about me. When you love someone, you get in a place where no matter what they do, you want to believe their intentions for you are good, so you give chance after chance. Though he was good at giving compliments, he couldn’t tell me he loved me, and though he was the best cook thus far (besides my father) that I have ever experienced, he was never able to stand by me for very long. He always gave up.

So, you come to the crossroads, and though we came to those crossroads a million times and always came back to each other, I do not believe two people will ever be truly fulfilled if you cannot commit to each other for good. To all of you who have forgotten who you are and what you can become because someone never reminded you—know that you are here for a purpose. We all are. Do not ever let another make you give up on progressing in this life. There is a great purpose in our struggles, and anything worth it comes with sacrifice.

So far, in my experience, love has not been an easy mission, and I realize as this story is exposed to the world, the person I may end up with will know these stories—just like the rest of you. But if he comes and he learns and sees me exposed in every way and stays anyway… I may have found the perfect fit.

I will always be grateful to those who have shown me love and to those who have been able to sympathize with my story—and even those boys who have tried to make it work with me when I never had enough direction. I am so grateful that I have people around me who love me: friends, girlfriends who listened to the same story a billion times but still listened, sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, teachers, bosses, coworkers, neighbors, and family that have been a happy place in my life. No one has ever judged (but even if they did, I wouldn’t mind), and they have always been patient with all these years of what I have been through. I have a strong belief that there is life after this one here, and you take into that life the loved ones that you knew here. I am so grateful to know that I will have a truckload of loved ones that will be with me beyond this story.

Here’s to being Naked…