EAT, PRAY, LOVE: SLC, NYC, Nashville… - APRIL 21 2013

 April 21, 2013

If you haven’t already seen the movie Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts, I recommend it. It comes from the book of the same name by Elizabeth Gilbert. That movie has been playing over and over in my head this past year. My favorite and most touching scene is when she’s on the floor of her bathroom, begging God to help her. Though in this scene she addresses God as if she doesn’t know Him, I am very familiar with prayer and with God—so that part is not an issue for me. I do relate to being on my knees in tears in the most awkward of places, pleading for answers about what to do.

At the end of the scene, she hears a voice tell her to get back in bed, and sometimes, I think those are the kinds of answers I’ve been given too:

JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE, BRITTNEY. Things will unfold.

Over the past few months, I’ve lived in or visited several cities. I’ve learned and gained something from each place. Salt Lake City was, of course, full of Willow—and if you’ve been following the blog, you know that’s where I wanted to leave him. When I moved to New York City, I was craving a new adventure, a new life—something to think about that wasn’t him.

I didn’t realize at first that being in NYC would slowly help me let Willow go, little by little. But I remember the exact day I realized my heart was free. I actually felt a physical disconnect. That’s not to say I don’t remember what was good about him, or that I didn’t reach out to him afterward. But I don’t miss him. I don’t cry or sit in sadness, wondering how to get over it.

New York City was a miracle for me. Each person and moment gave me the strength and peace I needed. Times Square became my favorite place—just walking around and soaking in the energy. NYC is where dreams are made and old love finally gets lost.

My last post was about a man I met there. I never saw him again after that night, but I’m grateful for him. He gave me an exciting moment. Though we never spoke again, I count him as one of the highlights of my time in New York. My sister came briefly, and I loved being with her—but being alone after she left was a blessing too. One of my roommates made space for me in her home and introduced me to Sex and the City. She made room for me, and I’ll never forget the lessons she taught me there.

While in NYC, I worked as a Beauty Advisor. It was a fun and easy job—I was doing what I love. I encountered celebrities several times a week, whether at work or on the street. I LOVED IT.

One of my favorite things before leaving was having lunch with editors from OK! Magazine. It was so fun talking with them about celebrity culture and what trends to keep—or drop. NYC gave me experiences I never could’ve had anywhere else. Even when I got the feeling I should be moving on, I ignored it for days. I hadn’t made that many friends yet, but the feeling just wouldn’t go away. Eventually, I listened.

My company graciously let me go and even offered to rehire me in the future. The girls I worked with understood. One even said I looked like Kim Kardashian—then called me a “gypsy.” I knew I had made the right decision. After the plane ride through Dallas to Salt Lake to pick up my car and drive it to Nashville—I was home.

NASHVILLE. I don’t know why, but I just knew it was the right place to be. As I drove in, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. It was like confirmation. I knew I was in the right place. People may wonder why or call me a gypsy, but I know I’m here to stay—at least for now. I’ve even caught myself singing again.

You may not always know your path, but if you follow your heart, you’ll end up where you’re meant to be. Nashville feels like I came home.

Though memories of my dad flood me on every corner, and though being here has made me miss Willow a little more, I know I’m doing the right thing. Every moment is shaping me for what’s next. Coming back to Nashville—and taking a trip to Atlanta—I’ve had to let go of people I thought would be in my life forever. But sometimes people grow, and if you don’t grow together, it won’t work. It’s okay to let go.

Though I often feel like I’m destined to be “Brittney, plus no one,” being here has helped me open my heart more than I thought I could. I’ve learned to love better, let go faster, and be more patient. I’m always moving—trying to escape the desire to be loved by someone—but it always seems to catch up with me.

I do what I have to do. And I will continue.