Disneyland and New York City - JANUARY 14 2013

It has been SO SO long since I have updated the world of Willow! After a brief hiatus, I am back to continue my story. The last time I really talked about Willow, I was speaking of when he moved out shortly after I did. The months that followed were probably not the best idea, but they happened. Everyone hopes for the best when they make decisions — and so do I.

After helping him decorate his place, I ended up practically living there. I spent all my free time there, becoming comfortable like the place was my own. Taking care of things, making plans there, etc. I even had my own spare key. It became natural and easy to make it where I went to and did not think it hurt that it was right up the street from my job. I mean, I finally shed his jealous roommate. It was just expected that I would make things better.

Willow has ALWAYS called me his best friend, but I also feel that this is said in a matter of convenience. When the time comes for a new girlfriend, the best friend becomes nothing. And naturally, an easy best friend should take a back seat to a love interest.

I have made this choice to sit in, innocent in all of this. I made the choice to stick around time after time, hoping for the best — but it always turned out the same.

During these months, i made the decision to move, and it was a BIG move. NEW YORK CITY! When he found out, he didn’t say much about it. When upon asking him why he did not react much, he said he didn’t think it would really happen and there was a lot of time before the date of moving out. And honestly, like all the other reasons I could possibly believe — so far he’s been right? That was HIS job.

Weeks following this announcement, he asked me to check my email one day. It was the biggest surprise of my life. An all-expense paid trip to Disneyland with him. Plane tickets, hotel, Disneyland, California Adventure. WHAT?????? If any of you know me personally, you know I have never been to Disneyland. (Since that I have been 2 times while married with young kids, still magical) Yes, and I had always said to Willow I really wanted to go, knowing he would probably never take me because he always said he didn’t want to go on a trip like that unless it was with me or a girlfriend. At that moment I was in shock. Willow actually spent all this money just to take me to a place I’d never gone to. WHY? WHY????? He later told me he had been wanting to go back for awhile and knew I wanted to. He also said it was a sort of goodbye trip before moving to New York (after I kind of wondered if really it was a send-off Brittney kinda thing, so he wouldn’t have to feel bad for dropping me cold when the new girlfriend came along at the beginning of January). 

Who would reject Disneyland??? I mean seriously, not me. I don’t care who gives me the ticket. That place is magical, regardless of who you attend with. So, we went. It was the best trip EVER. It was like the past 6 years of heartache had never happened. Friends and family before had asked me what I thought he would do there. Would he propose? What was the purpose of taking me there? (Hahahahaha)

Haha, needless to say, there was no proposal. The magic went as far as hand-holding, which was awkward enough in itself because it had not been done in years, but for some reason he did it.

So, the trip went by with no romance. He paid for everything and I was very appreciative the entire time. I even cried when I met Snow White. It was the best vacation of my life. I had no worries during that time and if that is all I take away from Willow besides the fact that he saved me when my father died, then it was worth it.

Investing your entire being into another person that never really jumps in can be so exhausting, and if you have never been there, you could never understand. I also feel that we sometimes have to make decisions that are not always the best ones to become better people after the trial is over. Sometimes, we have to make those choices to become better people later. If I had missed the past 6 and a half years of this entire experience, I would never be able to tell the world what I know — and someone may miss out on learning from me.

I have a friend who has no sympathy toward this situation in my life. In fact, he thinks it is absolutely ridiculous that I have wasted this long with Willow. He is mostly right, but I also think you have to make your own choices and decisions and then, when walking away from something, you have to be ready on your own. Since I have been in New York City, I have changed. I feel the need let go of Willow. I have come to a place where there are just certain things I do not like anymore. I have always been strong and independent, but this city has made me realize I need less of some things and more of others.

I made 2 plans for the New Year, and I am determined to see them both fulfilled. I deserve happiness and comfort. As you see other people let them change you for good. Remember that in the end, all will be right if faith isn’t forgotten in the midst. Never be afraid to love and never be afraid to let go. I am so grateful for the ones who see things in me that Willow never did. They continually encourage me and pray for me. I am grateful for the personality that I do have and the love for God that keeps me breathing when I feel I may lose it all. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing — a dream that you wish will come true.